


Eastside

by knaps_docx



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Love, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Angst, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, Puberty, Songfic, Time Skips, Verbal Abuse, familiar abuse, uncertainty about the future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-25 02:14:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16652353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knaps_docx/pseuds/knaps_docx
Summary: “Run away with me.”A childhood fantasy turned into teenage dream. When Haruka and Rin were forced apart for good, it seemed like the world around them suddenly stopped. Could one man’s obstinate action truly keep them apart for the rest of their lives? Or could they find a way to be together again?





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

  * For [im95notdead (scorose)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/scorose/gifts).



> ***This work/chapter contains homophobic slur(s) that will likely bother some. It doesn't reflect my views and is merely a quote of someone who is ignorant and offensive, and as much as I hate using it, it's simply a quotation for the story.***
> 
> Song: [Eastside](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPeWDg6B4sI) \- Benny Blanco, Halsey & Khalid
> 
> Author's note: Power move! One chapter, each day, all week. Brace yourselves.
> 
> To my lovely sister from another mother: Thank you for being my fun half, reading more of my bullshit than anyone ever should, and pushing me to better myself in every way. This is for you, and may you find the same fire you've ignited in me to complete your own work. I'll be patiently waiting. ILY. <3

Miyako smiled, cupping Rin’s cheeks between her soft hands. She looked him over as she did twenty times that morning. Her baby boy was starting middle school this year in a brand new town, and she felt as though she was losing her innocent child to the world. Rin’s smile could light up a room as his attitude toward life was equally bright, and she knew he would excel regardless of the situations, bullies, or even the pressure to perform in the school’s athletics. She already knew he would join the swim club, but she worried about him making friends. The principle eased her mind slightly after meeting with Rin and her. Remembering correctly, she believed he stated, _“As outgoing as your son is, I’m sure he will have no trouble fitting in here at Iwatobi!”_

But as any mother would worry, she was still anxious to know how he would do within the new walls of Iwatobi Middle School. Dynamically speaking, a lot of things change with the advancement from elementary to middle. Added hormones and social status, things always looked grim. She could only pray the transition underwent smoothly.

“Don’t forget your lunch, okay?” she reminded him again. Even though it was her fourth time saying those words, Rin beamed brightly. That smile melted her heart. So much changed for them over the last year. The loss of Toraichi and moving to a new town were the two biggest to say the least, but Rin shouldered everything like it was a normal day. Miyako was incredibly proud of her little boy. But he wasn’t so little anymore, was he? Gou stood behind her mother’s leg waiting to see her brother off. She wouldn’t be riding the bus until she was a little older and voiced her displeasure blatantly all morning.

The warm fall air blew through the surrounding trees, tousling their leaves filling their ears with an overbearing rustling noise. It picked up Rin’s maroon hair causing him to turn into the wind to keep his tangled locks from entering his eyes. Miyako noticed the bus at that moment, and she was sure Rin did now that he was facing the opposite direction. Her stomach was in knots when the door swung open. She squeezed her little boy one last time before he waved goodbye and stepped onto the bus for the first time.

 

* * *

 

“My name is Rin! I know my name sounds girly, but I promise I’m a guy. It’s nice to meet you!” His remark riled the bus, and the surrounding kids gave him a round of applause. The younger kids were put in the seats closer to the front as to appease the seniority of the upperclassmen who wanted nothing more than to sit in the rear drowning in self-hate and twitter. Rin wasn’t sure what the big fuss was about riding in the back of the vehicle, especially with how aggressive the bumpy ride was. But it was something he figured he may like when he got older. That is, if following the status quo was something he particularly cared for. As the bus continued on its path to Iwatobi Middle School, the kids lost interest in the newbie and began forming conversation with the small groups of friends they carried from elementary. Rin sat alone in his seat suddenly feeling the isolation. Even after his mother warned him of this, he couldn’t quite brace himself for the seclusion and emptiness within his chest. It was one thing to lose his father in the beginning of the year, but it was a whole other animal starting a new school and making new friends.

The bus passed over the river separating the city into east and west. Rin watched the sunlight dance off of the small waves. The sea was located nearby, and this river fed directly into it. Iwatobi was located on the east, so it was rather unusual for kids from the westside to attend school across the river. They had their own institutions, which caused the confusion. Rin’s ears perked up as the students’ voices lowered. The topic of conversation sucked him in. He perched on his seat as to not alert the kids sitting behind him, but he listened intently through the small crack near the window on what they had to say.

“I guess he’s still going to school here.” The girl’s tone of voice was of disgust. “Why haven’t his parents pulled him out of our school yet? He’s obviously a freak of nature. He should go somewhere else.”

“He thinks he’s hot shit,” another student whispered across the aisle pulling Rin’s attention. “It’s no wonder why he doesn’t have any friends.”

“Cocky asshole.”

“What a loser, look at the dump he lives in.”

As the bus slowed at the final stop, Rin realized he was the only student not sharing a seat. Whoever this intimidating kid was, he would most likely have to sit next to Rin. He couldn’t avert his eyes away from the house they stopped in front of. It was no wonder as to why some of the kids were making fun of it. Dilapidated and in desperate need of a remodel, the single-story house looked nearly abandoned. With the paint chipping, the grass outgrowing the bushes and perennials, and one of the windows boarded up, Rin’s stomach was tying in knots. As if living within a scary movie, a sole child stood at the end of the gravel driveway. A small backpack rested against his back and a binder tucked tightly to his chest. With his head hanging low, he entered the bus and quietly sat down in the only empty seat left.

Rin bounced slightly as the air below the material covering the seat shifted to another person’s weight. All conversations seemed to halt as the bus began moving. Every set of eyes was anxiously watching the child who was now sitting next to Rin. Unable to remove his gaze, Rin took in as many details as he could without allowing his stolen glances to settle too long on the stranger. Disheveled, raven hair, wrinkled clothes, worn school supplies, but what drew Rin in was the outsider’s eyes.

“My name is Rin. It’s nice to meet you.”

The bus was stunned further into silence. The stranger turned his head as his brilliant, blue eyes widened in shock. But something quickly changed his breach in uniformity. Just as fast as the surprise overtook his emotions, he was back sitting uncomfortable in his seat, head hanging low enough for his hair to cover his face. Rin was taken aback with the stranger’s mannerism. Detecting a slight blush on his cheeks hidden just below the tips of his dark hair, Rin couldn’t help but smile in return. The red head began to wonder if this kid would be in his classes. He looked to be about the same age. With some luck, he might be in the same homeroom. He could get to know him a little better. As far as Rin could tell, he didn’t seem like a bad person, at least not enough to earn the reputation he currently held with the other students on the bus.

It didn’t take long for the vehicle to return to the eastside. As it was pulling into the drop off zone for the kids, the chatter and witty comments had resumed full force, however there was no mention of the stranger. Rin was hoping to know his name by the time they reached school, but if they were on the same bus to reach Iwatobi, they would have to return home through the same route. There would be time. As the kids piled off the bus, Rin found that the dark-haired outsider hadn’t moved from his stiff position the entire ride. Even now, when all of the kids raced to get off the stuffy bus, he remained seated entirely void of movement blocking Rin’s path. As the last kid trickled down the steps and the bus driver patiently waiting for the last two passengers, did he finally move.

Unexpectedly, he turned toward Rin. “It’s Haruka, but call me Haru,” he spat, face ablaze, before sprinting off the bus and into the crowd. Rin was left dumbstruck to halfheartedly maneuver out of the vehicle after him. When he stepped on the sidewalk, Haru was nowhere to be seen.

“Haru,” he repeated mindlessly until he reached the front doors to the school. A heavy bell resonated around the building. It was time to focus. Day one would not be wasted at a new school, especially in a place where someone quite peculiar ghosted through the halls. Even though Rin knew he needed to make new friends, he couldn’t quite get his mind away from the small, disheveled kid. A name was hardly scratching the surface, but he already knew there was much more to know about this stranger. Besides, what truly was in a name? Haruka was just as girly as Rin.

 

* * *

 

As it turned out, Haru shared the same homeroom as Rin. When asked to stand up and introduce himself, Rin repeated what he said on the bus. Almost all of the kids applauded his brash response. All but Haru. He remained seated in the back of the classroom with his eyes looking at something beyond the window. Rin’s words didn’t faze him in the slightest. Something churned in Rin’s stomach. He spent the rest of the day trying to get a response from Haru, but to no avail. He seemed lost in his own thoughts, unwilling to acknowledge anyone. Some of the kids repeated what they had said on the bus.

“Cocky asshole.”

“Self-absorbed know-it-all.”

“Freak.”

Rin wasn’t sure why they were so negative toward him. He seemed like a quiet, solitary kid. It wasn’t until the very end of the day did he realize what they had meant. Last period was creative arts and while every kid in their class struggled to create some version of their own drawing in an attempt to recreate what the teacher had taught them minutes ago, Haru excelled. Within the first half of the period he managed to produce something more impressive than their teacher’s art, and casually dropped it off on her desk before returning to his introverted corner alone. He scribbled in one of the sketchbooks he housed within his bookbag until the final bell rang. Rin wasn’t sure how he was feeling about Haru with this revelation. Something about what those kids had said earlier was beginning to make sense. It wasn’t natural to be that talented at such a young age. But Rin couldn’t point out why the kids thought he was being cocky about his talents? He acted like he wanted to be invisible. Something wasn’t right with him, something Rin wanted to divulge in deeper. Who was this kid anyway? Where did he come from?

As the students piled back on the bus, Rin was over anxious to get back to the seat they shared. He had questions and wanted answers for every single one. When someone plopped next to him, Rin realized that there wasn’t assigned seats, and no one had to sit in the same seat they arrived in. To his disappointment, another kid from their homeroom decided to share the small, two-person bench with Rin.

“Hi, I’m Sousuke. I liked your introduction this morning. Do you mind if I sit with you for the ride home?”

Rin couldn’t decline. His mother was always patronizing him to friendly to everyone, even the bullies he may come across. With a smile, he agreed. Not like the kid wasn’t occupying the seat already. He seemed nice. As Sousuke began rambling about the first day of school, Rin eyed Haru taking the last seat near a girl who was saying nasty things about him earlier. She eyed one of her friends across the aisle and made a gagging expression before kneeling backwards on the seat to talk with some of her friends sitting behind them. Haru remained motionless once again, head hanging low.

Through the ever-fluctuating conversation with Sousuke, Rin kept throwing glances Haru’s way. Nothing changed, even when they were the last two remaining on the bus. As the door closed to let Sousuke off and them waiving each other goodbye, Rin moved forward a few rows so he could sit across the aisle from Haru. At first neither of them said anything. Rin became impatient and broke the silence.

“I saw your drawing today. I thought it was really good.”

Haru’s entire body tensed with his comment.

Rin altered his advance by asking, “Can you teach me how to draw like that?”

At first, his question did little to relax Haru, but eventually he turned his head toward Rin. Without saying a word, they looked at each other, stared into each other’s eyes, and held that gaze for some time. He turned away as his face brightened to pink. Rin fully noticed the shift in color this time.

“Maybe.”

The bus stopped at Rin’s house. He was hesitant to leave after finally getting a response from Haru after an entire day of trying. But the red head knew his mother and sister would be waiting for him inside to hear about his first day at school. So, he got to his feet reluctantly and went for the door.

“See you tomorrow,” Rin called.

Unsurprisingly, he received no reaction from Haru.

 

* * *

 

Each day Rin would talk a little more with Haru on their way home from school. Sousuke had found a new seat buddy within Rin and refused to let anyone else take his place on their way to and from school. It limited the red head’s conversation time with Haru, but at least they had their moment together at the very end of the day. School confrontation remained the same. Haru would have his eyes focused on something well beyond the window and refused to acknowledge any of the red head’s advances. Rin wasn’t sure what these feelings were brewing deep inside, but he didn’t particularly take any kindness when directing thought on them. They were quickly forming into something he thought was jealousy. In the rare occasion when someone was talking to Haru, or when someone was paying him a compliment toward his art. The fire burned ravenously within his chest. Those rare moments Rin fought so hard for, someone snatched it away without any effort whatsoever.

One day he decided not to talk to Haru after school just to see what would happen. When the doors swiveled shut behind Sousuke, Rin remained seated, near the window, on the opposite side of the bus, and refused to take his eyes away from the passing surroundings. That day was the day something changed. That was the beginning of it all. For some time, Rin remained alone, and just as he gave up hope on Haru joining him was the moment he surprised Rin the most. When his seat shifted unexpectedly, Rin turned to find Haru, small and stiff, sitting next to him. He wasn’t making eye contact or recognizing Rin but there was a different air about him.

Rin leaned forward in an attempt to get a better look at Haru’s face. Maybe he was sick? What greeted him instead was a warm touch on the top of his hand. Out of shock, Rin recoiled. Contorted with rejection, Haru swiftly exited the seat and sat down across the aisle. Rin’s face boiled red.

“H-Haru?” he asked, apprehensively. It wasn’t any ailment, Haru was blushing, giddy, nervous. He made the first move and Rin flat out rejected him. It wasn’t as if he tried it, but it made him look foolish.

The raven-haired boy turned his head further away, shrinking in size to a mere jellybean. “I’m sorry,” he whispered in reply.

Rin stumbled to his side of the bus nearly pushing Haru into the window. Somehow his emotions began making sense. All of those instances he had been piling in the back of his mind, all of the encounters he missed out with Haru, all thwarted attempts at getting his attention, Rin finally understood them all. He snatched Haru’s hand in his own.

“I didn’t pull away on purpose. You surprised me is all…” Rin’s words began strong but fell out of his mouth as mumbles near the end. As if his face couldn’t get any redder, he felt his skin burning below his eyes, igniting his face like the campfire his family would sometimes have in their backyard during the fall. Those flames consumed everything Miyako threw into the canister. That heat within Rin finally began spreading.

Haru turned toward Rin as the bus slowed to a stop.

“See you tomorrow?” Haru asked, rather unsure with his own question.

Rin beamed unwilling to let go of his hand. “See you tomorrow!”


	2. Seventeen, Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***This work/chapter contains homophobic slur(s) that will likely bother some. It doesn't reflect my views and is merely a quote of someone who is ignorant and offensive, and as much as I hate using it, it's simply a quotation for the story.***
> 
> Song: [Eastside](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPeWDg6B4sI) \- Benny Blanco, Halsey & Khalid
> 
> Author's note: Day two and it's super early. Tomorrow's chapter will come super late (unless I'm feeling generous and post it tonight). Happy reading!

Rin’s hand brushed up Haru’s chest over his shirt flirting with his hardening nipples hiding below the thin fabric. Four minutes and fifteen seconds. They had timed the trip from Sousuke’s house to Rin’s over the last several years. As juniors in high school, the back of the bus suddenly began to look more appealing. The two boys gravitated to the strange smelling, off limit section when the vehicle became empty other than the two of them. The bus driver paid no attention as they grew braver, touching, kissing, then making out. As their time reached the end of the school day, it marked another memorable moment in Haru’s life. As Rin pulled his lips away for a breath of air, he leaned slightly further from Haru as if he was finished with their brief intimate moment. The raven-haired teenager looked at Rin expectantly, unsure as to why Rin suddenly stopped. They still had a few minutes left before the red head needed to depart for the day. A small part of Haru wondered if he was going to bring up Homecoming again. Rin asked him a week ago, but the thought of the red head changing his mind sat disturbingly in the back of his mind, taunting him with each passing day.

“I want to meet your parents.”

The question struck Haru in the stomach. They had been officially together for a few years now, but the attraction, hand holding, and, so to say, love existed since middle school. Not once did Rin mention Haru’s family. Not once did Rin push when Haru rarely brought them up. Suddenly, Haru felt the pressure of the world on his shoulders. Caught between not wanting to let Rin down and understanding the consequences of what that simple act would bring, Haru shifted uncomfortably in their bench seat. Why didn’t he bring up Homecoming? All of the sudden, that subject seemed a lot simpler now.

Rin continued as if he hadn’t noticed Haru’s strange behavior, “You’ve met my mom and my sister as boyfriends last year. I think it’s about time I returned the favor. I know you don’t talk about them much, but I love you, Haru. You’re the one. They should know about me. They should know how serious I am about you.”

Haru’s head began swimming. Fighting the overwhelming drowning sensation, he turned to Rin unsure of how to respond to his request. At first, he stared into those crimson eyes of his, then fell to his lips. How easily he was distracted by their color, softness, tenderness when they brushed up against his skin. Lately, they had been pushing the limits of their hands. The few days a week Haru and Rin practiced swimming together during the off season, they spent time in the locker room after everyone left and became very brave behind the shower curtain. In retrospect, Haru was slightly surprised they hadn’t fully crossed the line yet. It didn’t come as surprise Rin wanted to take their relationship to the next level, the parental level. As he said, Rin had introduced him to Miyako and Gou last year. They were already like a second family to Haru. He wondered what their normal home life was every night he stared at the ceiling of his bedroom waiting for sleep to overcome his body.

As the bus slowed to a stop, Haru realized he would need to decide. Rin was waiting patiently for his reply, following Haru’s sideways glances and unknown feelings. There was a seriousness behind his red eyes that felt like a suffocating grip around Haru’s throat. All the raven-haired boy could do was nod. Rin’s face beamed brightly, just as Haru remembered it from all those years ago.

“Awesome! Just let me know what night you want me to stop over! I’ll have my mom drop me off and maybe we can have dinner?”

Haru broke into a cold sweat as he forced another nod. Rin squeezed past him to reach the aisle as the vehicle stopped in front of his house. Still wearing that golden smile, his red mop disappeared down the stairs. Haru could only watch his boyfriend wave to him from the edge of his driveway. Nothing was working. His brain, his muscles, not even his voice. Everything was short circuiting. As the bus pulled away Haru stared at his hands. The remnants of Rin’s soft locks echoed across his calloused skin. Where had his fingers strayed today? Rin’s hair, his muscular arms. Haru couldn’t breathe. They even reached up the back of Rin’s yellow shirt. How many times could he wash those memories from his palms so they wouldn’t find out? How long would he have to run scalding water over his skin in a pathetic attempt to purify the wrongs he committed?

As the bus crossed over the river, Haru’s eyes found themselves yearning for what lied beyond the window. That river was so close to the sea. So many times he wished to be a marine animal, unbound by human emotions and loyalties he would never understand. Often in his dreams he became a merman, destined to protect the ocean from the ones who sought to destroy it. Rin was frequently there alongside him. His beautiful burgundy scales reflecting the sunlight in an array of reds and oranges. How he ached for his dreams to become reality. The pressures of his life gone like the dipping sunlight into the west.

The increasing forward momentum as the bus driver put his foot on the breaks pulled Haru from his altered state of mind. They were dreadfully close to reaching his home. Dangerously close to asking to bring Rin over for dinner. How could he convince his parents to let Rin stay for an evening? How could he even begin to explain that it wasn’t just a phase or something he’ll grow out of? How could he even bring up the fact that they were serious about each other? His mother followed his father’s opinion and never strayed beyond that point. It wasn’t her Haru feared.

Stepping off the bus, he took one good look at the front of his home. Through the years, his parents tried to fix some of the transparent issues. They re-sided the outside, mowed the grass a few extra times even though it still wanted to grow much further than its boundaries, and even fixed the window Haru’s father broke right before he started middle school. Through it all Haru still couldn’t understand why Rin wanted in so badly, especially because there was nothing more Haru wanted than to leave forever. Pulling his bookbag tight over his shoulders, he stepped inside. The intense smell of spices filled his nose within seconds. His mother was already cooking a mackerel dinner. Haru’s favorite. He glanced around for his father but couldn’t see him. Sometimes work would get backed up and he would return home late. He crossed his fingers as he bravely opened his mouth.

“Can I bring a friend over for dinner?” Haru’s voice was quiet, unsure.

His mother turned around an looked at him with a rather peculiar face. “A friend?” She seemed shocked more than anything. Throughout school, this was his first time even mentioning friends of any kind, and certainly not to bring them over for an extended period of time.

“A friend,” Haru repeated, knowing that if he pushed his limits, things would get out of hand.

“You’ll have to ask your dad. He’s out in the garage.”

As per usual, she diverted to him. Tasting the disappointing answer already, Haru stopped at his room and dropped off his bookbag before deciding to ask his father the same question. Taking his time, Haru meandered through their single story home, absorbing the pictures hanging on the wall, his mother humming at the stove, and the particular placement of furniture. _One day_ , he thought. _One day I’ll leave this place behind me and never come back_.

Haru found his father in the garage tinkering with his old pickup truck. The machine hadn’t worked in years, but he still designated the time to try and fix the damn thing in the hopes to see it running again. They didn’t have enough money to afford another vehicle, so his parents had to share his mother’s small, white car.

“Hi, Dad,” Haru mumbled, keeping his distance and standing at the door. The chill entering through the open garage door lapped at his skin even though the temperature was fairly warm for this time of year. His father just grunted and continued his work, mesmerized by the interworking of the engine. Haru wagered his father had the entire car memorized solely based on how much time he spent working on it.

“I was wondering if I could have a friend over for dinner?”

Time abruptly stopped as did Haru’s heart. What Haru desired was a simple brush off the shoulder, go ask your mother sort of thing. Instead his father halted his work, all too carefully put the rag he was using to wipe the grease off his hands on top of the engine and pulled himself into a standing position. Through his dark hair, in desperate need of a haircut, that was beginning to fall into his tired eyes, his father’s blue stare caught Haru’s and began taking everything in. Haru remained rooted, heart pounding, hands sweating, feeling as though one look from his paternal eyes could read deep into his thoughts.

“A friend?” his father monotonously repeated exactly what his mother asked minutes ago.

Haru barely nodded, feeling the nervous sweat begin to bead on his temples. Unwilling to remove his eyes from the near mirror image of his father’s, Haru bit his tongue feeling the pressure they carried as the blue orbs looked for any sign of weakness, faults in Haru’s expressions, or even a breach in character.

“What’s this all about?”

Haru’s mouth was too dry, so when he parted his lips to answer, he found himself barely able to form words. Cussing over and over in his head, he painfully swallowed and attempted a second go. “I have a friend who asked if he could come for dinner to meet you.” Haru refrained from using choice words in hopes it would help his father agree.

“A friend?” Bemused and shocked at the thought, his father asked again. Haru could only wonder what sort of thoughts were flying through his head completely unable to decipher his expressions.

“Yes, a friend I’ve had since middle school.”

“Honey?” his father yelled for Haru’s mother who was still inside the house.

“What is it?” she yelled back, a touch of worry in her tone.

“Did you know Haru had a friend since middle school?” he yelled back, crossing his arms over his chest.

“What?!” Haru listened as dishes landed hard on the counter before hurried footsteps joined them in the garage. She peered around the door so she could see her husband before looking at Haru with questioning eyes.

“A friend since middle school?” she asked again, wiping her hands on her apron.

“First I’ve heard of it,” his father replied, shifting his weight from one leg to another.

“Haru?” she turned to look at her son. Haru couldn’t figure out what she was thinking either. But now they both had their eyes on him and he felt as though water was overtaking his body just as it was on the bus earlier. He couldn’t handle the stress, he couldn’t handle the pressure. Those long nights suffocating under the words of his father, unsure of what his future held. It was too much to bear.

“Never mind,” he whispered, before pushing past his mother and stepping back into the house. He would have to somehow explain to Rin that it was impossible for him to come over. Incapable of even thinking what his boyfriend’s reaction might be, Haru swallowed back his tears and shut himself in his bedroom and climbed under his blankets. Rin’s disappointment, the look on his face when he found out, Haru couldn’t shoulder the idea. It would be devastating to the red head. Would they even be together when this blew over? Would it ever simply go away?

A small knock sounded at the door, echoing around his room. Haru pulled the blankets tighter. He wanted this to go away. Why did he even ask in the first place?

“Haru?” his mother’s soft voice called from the hallway.

He didn’t respond. Maybe if they thought he disappeared, things would be better.

“Haru, your dad and I talked it over and we would be delighted if you brought a friend over. It just…you haven’t talked about school since you started elementary, and it came as a shock to us.” When Haru refused to answer once again, his mother continued to plead through the door. “We thought tomorrow would be a good time. I’ll make miso soup and rice.” She paused, expecting another answer that would never come. “Dinner will be ready soon. How about you join us?”

Silence spread between them. After a few minutes, he figured she had left to finish dinner. They said yes. They surprisingly said yes. Grabbing his phone from his bookbag, Haru checked to see if he had any texts from Rin. To his surprise, there was one.

 

_Hope everything is ok. You seemed a little weird on the bus. Let me know when you get home._

 

Haru looked at the time stamp. Rin texted him the moment the bus pulled away from his home on the eastside. Unsure of how to respond, Haru tucked his phone under his pillow as he heard his mother call again, this time from the kitchen. Tomorrow was the day. He at least managed to solidify the plans. If his parents behaved was another story entirely. Sucking in a lungful of air to calm his nerves and solidify his facial expressions, Haru pulled himself from his blankets and joined his parents in the kitchen.


	3. Seventeen, Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***This work/chapter contains homophobic slur(s) that will likely bother some. It doesn't reflect my views and is merely a quote of someone who is ignorant and offensive, and as much as I hate using it, it's simply a quotation for the story.***
> 
> Song: [Eastside](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPeWDg6B4sI) \- Benny Blanco, Halsey & Khalid

“Hi, I’m Rin Matsuoka! It’s nice to meet you!” Rin was all smiles and a pleasant attitude. Haru had given him a slight rundown on the bus before they dropped them off after school. There would be no mention of boyfriend, dating, or inappropriate words said at any point during his stay. Rin politely agreed and didn’t ask questions. Those would come later and Haru braced himself for his life to come thundering down at that moment. Despite what Rin’s original plan was, Miyako suggested Rin to ride the bus straight over to the Nanase household, and she would pick him up when evening came. It seemed like a great idea, so they ran with it. Haru’s mother frequently made dinner early as teenagers had an inept ability to inhale any source of food within reach. So, if all went well, Haru could have Rin in and out of the door in no time at all.

“Rin, you say?” Haru’s father gripped his outstretched hand and paused. Haru caught the momentary halt in conversation and hoped it was only because Rin was just as girly as his own name. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Rin shook Haru’s mother’s hand before they welcomed him past the front door.

“I hope miso soup appeals to your appetite?” Haru’s mother was very cautious in her words but played it off with a cheery tone.

“Of course! Haru told me what a wonderful cook you were,” Rin smiled as he kicked off his shoes before continuing further into the kitchen.

Haru could’ve snorted. That was one thing he never said about his mother. One, because he never talked about her to Rin, and two because he knew he cooked better. It was a rare day when his mother left the house for the evening. That was when Haru took over her duties. His father would never admit it to her face either, but it was a small something the two men shared.

“Oh, did he?” Haru’s mother blushed, putting a hand to her warm cheek. “How sweet of him.” She placed her other hand on top her son’s head before turning back to the stove. Haru remained unfazed, though the gesture set him on edge. It was a simple act he never liked his mother doing. Not that he spent nearly as much time fixing his hair than Rin did, but he didn’t like his mother touching it. Carefully sitting down at his normal place at the table, Rin sat next to him. A goofy smile refused to break from his lips. Haru couldn’t help his lips curling slightly. As soon as his father joined them at the table, however, any traces of happiness were gone.

“So, Haru’s never brought a friend home from school before, how long have you known each other?” Haru’s father asked, taking a swallow of water from the glass sitting at his place setting.

Haru glanced worriedly at Rin, but the red head swiftly answered like there was no fear in the world that could shake him. “Since middle school. We’ve been on the same bus route since my family moved here. Haru’s been a godsend. Just when I thought making friends would be difficult, he was actually very easy to connect with. He was my very first friend here.”

Haru watched his father’s face shift in disbelief. That also marked another lie from Rin. He was too good at this. But Haru was more than pleased with his answers. They were believable, even though the truth had been quite the opposite. Utilizing the small moment of silence to take a drink out of his own glass, Haru took his time. Cherishing every swallow as another second he wouldn’t have to speak. But he soon found their eyes on him. Their pressure unrelenting. Shifting his gaze between them, he soon found he ran out of time. Unsure of what to say, Haru shrugged.

His mother briefly brought her hand to his shoulder. “That’s very sweet of you, Haruka.”

“Whatever,” Haru mumbled as a hot bowl was delivered over his head. His mother carefully set it on the table with a ladle swirling gently around the rim and the steam rolling into the air. For once, dinner smelled rather appetizing. She must’ve put a little more attention into her cooking this time. Not that it was difficult to mess up miso soup, but it made Haru’s heart ache just slightly. After the bowl of rice was placed next to its counterpart, they said prayer and began to eat. Conversation was kept light and easy, Rin contributing much more than Haru anticipated. After each of his careful answers, Haru fell into a small moment of relaxation.

“So, I hear Homecoming is coming up for you boys, do you have dates?” It was a calm question from his mother. Something that was so simple, so light, so normal turned into destruction and devastation within Haru. Relaxing was a mistake. Going from slightly comfortable to utter chaos within a few words. Haru stiffened. It was noticeable too. As if things hadn’t gotten worse, Haru’s father took note.

At first, his father didn’t say anything. Rin side glanced Haru with a curious, yet awkward look. Haru’s mother fell quiet. For a brief moment, there was nothing but silence. In that silence Haru wondered what he would say. What his father would say. How Rin would counteract the terrifying events that would unfold. Maybe, by some small miracle, things would go entirely unnoticed. Maybe his parents would never find out. Maybe things would resume as if it was a touchy subject.

And through that tiny moment of silence, Haru wondered what it would be like to finally free himself from the burden he held so deep, from the immense weight he carried on his shoulders. What it would be like to stand up for himself. What it would be like to fly, free and clear, from his demons inside. To be unafraid to speak out.

“Is there something you want to tell me?” Haru’s father asked, his voice firm.

Rin shifted uncomfortably in his chair next to Haru. His father’s tone of voice had a strange air about it, like he knew more than he should, implying things that could be true. It was a sign to Haru that his boyfriend was suddenly catching on to why he warned him on the bus before reaching his home. That there was something going on much deeper than the surface. And that something was so ingrained, it was practically dangerous.

His mother finally understood the gravity of the situation. Haru wasn’t sure if she knew what he was hiding, or rather her reaction was because he was hiding something to begin with. “Haruka?” her voice was laced with hurt. At that moment, he couldn’t look her in the eye. He found the cooled, leftover soup still occupying the center of the table rather interesting. A decision needed to be made. But what would he say? What choice could he make? How could Haru even begin the damage control?

“He doesn’t have a girlfriend,” Rin said with a half assed chuckle. He was rubbing the base of his neck where his maroon locks tickled his skin. Haru watched his cheeks blush, thankful Rin wasn’t lock jawed with their comments. Somehow, through this whole situation, Haru treasured and adored him more. Something about the way he projected strength.

Maybe he wanted that too.

“Rin asked me to go with him, so we’re going together as a couple.”

His mother’s spoon hit the bottom of her ceramic bowl. His father stared at him, mouth agape, absolutely floored by his response. The moment was there and gone. Nothing could erase Haru’s words, and for a single second, the freedom existed. The weight was gone, the fear vanished. Then that second was over. Haru’s father slammed his hands on the table. All three of them jumped from the sudden outburst of noise. His blue eyes were venomous, piercing through Haru, sending goosebumps up his back. Without a word, he turned and walked away. A door slammed in the distance causing something on the shelf in the hallway to hit the floor, shattering into pieces.

Silence spread between them again. Haru’s mother choked back a sob. Rin was staring at Haru. Haru couldn’t remove his gaze from where his father was standing moments ago. What had he done? What did he just do? Why in the world was he compelled to spill his biggest secret? His fingers curled into fits.

“Rin…” Haru’s mother could barely speak. “You should call your mother. I think it’s about time for you to go.”

“S-Sure,” Rin stuttered, slow to get to his feet. He pulled his red phone from his pocket and hit his mother’s name. Another loud noise echoed around the house, shaking the dishes in the cabinets. Haru was on his feet in seconds, pushing Rin out the door. This wasn’t good. His father was clearly on a rampage, and every moment the red head was inside the house was another moment lost that separated him from potential harm.

“Haru,” Rin warned, as his boyfriend jabbed his fingers into his lower back to get his feet to move. As soon as the front door was shut, his mother answered the call. “Mom, hi…” Rin trailed off, looking at Haru with sympathetic eyes. “Yeah, I need a ride home…yeah, I know it’s early…can you just…can you just pick me up please?” He paused, putting his free hand to his lips, eyebrows pursing. His next response was choked, as if he was in pain, “As soon as you can.”

Tears collected in the corner of Haru’s eyes as he watched Rin slowly break down. The understanding between them had finally been reached. As soon as his finger hit the red button to end the call did Haru wish they had more time together to say goodbye after what happened. With a nervous glance toward his home, he turned back to Rin as the red head’s arms wrapped around him tightly.

“I’m so sorry. I’m _so_ sorry,” Rin repeated, the tears soaking his shirt above his shoulder. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

Haru melted in his arms. How strong Rin seemed, even when he was at his most vulnerable. Haru couldn’t help but hug back. Somehow, he always brought the best out of him. This wasn’t something he wanted to give up, nor be talked out of. His parents may not agree with having a same sex lover, but this was his life, not theirs. If only he could explain that to them.

“It’s okay, Rin,” Haru replied, his voice strained. What awaited him after his departure was something he never wanted to experience. It was something from his worst nightmares. But to move forward, to stand up for himself, to fight for what he wanted, it was something he had to confront. “I wanted this.”

Rin pulled away, holding his hands firm on his arms, clenching his biceps. “ _Haru_ ,” he warned. Haru could tell there was so much more he wanted to say, but there just wasn’t enough time. Instead, he smiled in return. Genuinely smiled. Rin couldn’t help but grin through his tears, that was, until his red eyes caught the movement of something behind them. Haru turned to meet his father leaving the house, slowly approaching them.

Without hesitation, Rin took a few steps away. Unsure of how to act, they stood awkwardly watching his advance. Before he could reach them, however, a car horn beeped as Miyako pulled into the driveway. They stepped to the side to allow a wide passage for the vehicle. Exchanging a quick glance, she rolled her window down. Concern spread across her face.

“Hi, Mom,” Rin sighed, pulling the car door open and throwing himself into the passenger seat. He shut the door tight and remained unmoving, eyes downcast. Haru stepped forward, about to say one more thing to Rin as a hand landed on his shoulder. Halting in his tracks, Haru bit his tongue.

“Sorry for the misunderstanding, Mrs. Matsuoka. Thank you for picking up your son. He’s a great kid, incredibly polite. You’ve done a great job in raising him.”

“Thank you,” Miyako replied uneasily.

“Have a safe drive home. Thank you again.”

With a nod, she rolled the window back up and began backing up the driveway. Haru watched, his stomach churning with each passing second. The tires crunched the gravel that littered the driveway setting a scene Haru dreaded. His strength was disappearing with each passing second. Wanting nothing more than to jump into Miyako’s car, Haru felt his father’s grip tighten, digging uncomfortably into his shoulder muscles. Unable to fight his grip, he had no choice but to be escorted back toward the house. He felt sick as the door opened to an empty kitchen. His first thought was where his mother was, but it quickly diverted as his father pushed him into the kitchen chair.

His father didn’t say anything but aggressively paced the length of the table clearly in Haru’s sight. If it was done solely to intimidate his son, it was working. Haru felt the weight of each step bearing down against his weak-minded heart, quickly regretting his decision to blurt out the truth. Why did he even open his mouth in the first place? Why couldn’t he just bear the frustration until college? At least then, he could run away with Rin and leave this place behind forever. No regrets.

At once, his father halted, slammed his hands on top of the table and stared into his son’s feverish blue eyes. Haru couldn’t help his bodily reaction as his muscles contracted at once, nearly causing him to fall off the chair he was occupying.

“Haruka, _I thought we talked about this_.” His father’s voice was eerily calm and extremely low in pitch.

Haru’s eyes darted between objects refusing to look at his father’s intense glare. There was a silence that spread between them as he waited for a response that Haru wasn’t about to give. It would have to expel sooner or later, however. Seconds separated him from that time. He needed to think of a way out of this and fast. Damage control was his only option.

Hands hit the table again, emitting a rumble that shook the dishes in the cabinets. “ _Haruka!_ ” The calming façade his father was trying to hide behind was suddenly gone. For whatever reason he liked to start his lessons that way, but it never amounted to anything other than screaming.

“I love him,” Haru said before he could even register the words flowing from his lips. This wasn’t damage control as he had originally planned, this was a downright warzone. That spark Rin gave him still existed inside. His boyfriend’s purest form of nature, to be stronger than his opponents, the drive that pushed him forward, his love of his friends. It motivated Haru to fight a little for himself.

As expected, his father’s face turned sour. “It’s absolutely unacceptable to like another man! It’s unnatural, and disgusting! You’re not allowed to see him again, do you understand?! You will not bring him over, you will get rid of this ridiculous notion you think is love, you’re going to forget about him, and you’re going to grow up. And if you think for one second I’m not going to enforce this upon you, I will take you out of that school and away from him tomorrow if need be.”

“Dad– ”

“Mark my words, Haruka. Shape up this instant. You do not like other men! It’s against human nature!”

“But I– ”

His father’s tone dropped again. “If you say one more thing against me, I will call up your school and transfer you tomorrow.”

Haru immediately got to his feet, the kitchen chair he was occupying hitting the floor with a crash. It was at that moment he didn’t give a damn any longer. The oppression he was feeling was overwhelming and he needed an immediate solution. His passive behavior turned into anger. That anger fueled an unnatural reaction.

“I love him, and you can’t keep us apart forever!” Haru screamed. Before his mind comprehended what he was doing, his legs were carrying him at an immense speed to his bedroom. Flinging his door shut, Haru hastily propped his wooden desk chair under the doorknob in a last minute effort to lock his parents out. Within seconds his father was pounding on the door. His words were incomprehensible, but his tone was clearly irate.

Panic. Immense fear filled Haru. It was urgent he escaped. The minute his father breached the doorway, everything would be over for him. A new school, a new life, a new bus route. No more art. No more swimming. No more freedom. No more Rin.

Haru unlatched his window and shimmied the grimy frame through the brackets. It was in desperate need of a good clean and oiling, but it was fifteen years too late. He had to leave, immediately. Once the crack was big enough for him to slip out of, Haru furiously clambered out of the window and landed hard on the ground below. Cutting his arm on the dying rosebush his mother dreadfully tried to keep alive all of these years, Haru could hear his father breaking through his bedroom door. Scrambling to his feet and took off into the night. There was no turning back now.


	4. Seventeen, Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***This work/chapter contains homophobic slur(s) that will likely bother some. It doesn't reflect my views and is merely a quote of someone who is ignorant and offensive, and as much as I hate using it, it's simply a quotation for the story.***
> 
> Song: [Eastside](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPeWDg6B4sI) \- Benny Blanco, Halsey & Khalid

The cold air burned at his lungs. Without thinking Haru left his coat and phone back in his room. What lied ahead of his fleeting decision was now in fate’s deadly hands. He needed to make it to Rin. Nothing else mattered. That was, until he heard the roar of the angry engine that lived inside his mother’s car. With both his parents using the same vehicle, it was in desperate need of a tune-up too. The tires spit the gravel as his father spun out at the end of the driveway. Haru could feel the menace emanating through the air. The wide swoop of the front headlights caught him briefly. However, his father had to stick to the roads. Haru used the foliage to his advantage.

Dodging in and out of the tree line, the teen ran as hard as he could through the dewy grass. The moisture collected on his shoes, soaking though his socks. The extra weight wasn’t enough to slow him down, but the uncomfortable feeling of his toes slowly turning numb hung at the back of his mind. Desperation drove him forward. He had to reach Rin. He had to make it across the river to the eastside before his father caught him. It was an absolute must.

His breath escaped his lips in a light mist. Before he realized it, winter was coming. Days with Rin seemed to flow into a solitary timeframe. They couldn’t wait until their ideal of forever came, a shared home, possibly a family. Their dreams began after their time in high school, far away from this place. Those hopes quickly faded with the disappearance of the fine vapor. Haru had done everything in his power to destroy what little hope they were holding onto. How would Rin ever forgive him?

The sound of the roaring engine quickly pulled Haru from his thoughts. The river was fast approaching but his father was gaining. With only one bridge over the tributary, Haru suddenly realized he was running out of options. There wasn’t enough time. A decision would have to be made: surrender or keep running. Haru was afraid to know what would happen if he stopped, but he knew taking the bridge would immediately end in his detainment.

There simply wasn’t enough time.

Altering his course to try and aim for the large, suspended structure, Haru began thinking he might be able to make it if he sprinted as fast as he could. Consciously aware of the engine advancing quickly, he kicked his speed into a full out sprint. Two steps in and he found himself face first into the wet grass. Somehow one of his shoelaces came loose and lodged itself under his other foot. The slippery ground only added to his fall, soaking into his shirt, dirtying his exposed skin.

The threatening engine was nearly upon him now, the car’s headlights brightening up his surroundings. His chances were shot. There wasn’t time to escape. As the tears welled in his eyes, Haru thought of Rin. The disappointment echoing across his dark face when the bus never crossed to the westside to gather Haru for school tomorrow. The sinking look in Rin’s bright eyes when he would hear that they would never see each other again. That unavoidable hole in their chests once the day came. Was it even worth fighting to see him one more time?

Haru’s hands tightened around the wet blades of grass. Sacrificing it all to see Rin one more time? It was the only way. He wouldn’t let his father win this time. Haru couldn’t let him better him another round. The guilt would be immeasurable. There was no way he could live with himself without trying. There was no way he could live at all. Ripping the chunks of dirt from the ground, Haru returned to his feet in a dead sprint away from the bridge. If he took that route his father would catch him without a doubt. It only left one other way across the river.

Haru was going to swim.

He could hear yelling behind him, but he couldn’t stop. The downward slope to the concrete river edge was nearly pulling him in. As the water always called to him during his normal swim practices with Rin, this time it seemed to be physically dragging him toward its dark depths, begging to swallow him whole. The chill in the air temporarily diffused his pain, but it wouldn’t prevent what was to come.

Like a thousand needles pricking his skin, Haru dove head first into the water. It was a shallow dive as to not hit the riverbed, but he could feel his chest brush the murky bottom. The current was stronger than he imagined, pulling him toward the sea with no effort whatsoever. To add to his struggles, the icy water slowed his movements and made it harder to breathe. Nonetheless, Haru pushed forward. With the image of Rin held foremost in his memory, he kicked a little harder, pushed his arms through the current a little deeper. And when his fingertips brushed the concrete edge on the opposite side of the river and Haru pulled himself from the grips of what could’ve easily been his grave, did he realize how stupid that plan was.

His breath came in short bursts, filling the air with seeable moisture. The cold hung on his skin refusing to allow a single touch of heat to penetrate to his bones. Uncontrollably shaking, he slowly clambered to his feet. He had to reach Rin. Each step was like plodding through a squishy mush that existed inside his shoes. Feeling the numbing cold reaching for his heated core, Haru found the remaining walk to be much more difficult than his swim. Hugging his arms tightly around his torso, he finished his trek thinking only of Rin.

When his house came into view, Haru almost dropped to the ground out of exhaustion and relief. He made it. Circling around the back side out of view from the main road, Haru shimmied his way across their lawn looking for Rin’s bedroom. When the cozy light emanating through the window into the darkness coated Haru’s skin in a brilliant warmth, he nearly melted. Rin was lying on his bed, one foot propped on his knee, headphones in, absorbed into the content on his phone. His foot jumped to the inaudible beat only he could hear. For a few moments Haru watched. His heart ached. Posters littered his tan walls, a computer with twitter open sat in the corner. His bookbag remained overturned, his school books and projects dumped in to a heap on the carpet. What life Rin lived was the life Haru dreamed of. Wanting nothing more than to be there next to him, he took a step forward ready to tell Rin the consequences of his actions.

His knuckles brushed the glass lightly. At first, Haru wondered if he would have to tap louder for Rin to hear the noise over his music. The last thing he wanted was to alert his family of his presence in fear they’d call Haru’s parents. But Rin jumped with the noise, and upon noticing Haru’s shivering body hovering outside his window, the red head pulled his headphones out of his ears and hustled to the window to let him in.

“Haru?!” he hissed, keeping his voice low so his family wouldn’t hear.

“I-I’m sorry,” Haru said through chattering teeth. Rin helped him over the window ledge. Once Haru was both safely on Rin’s bedroom carpet and the window secured tightly, did Rin noticed Haru’s weak state. Without saying anything, he began digging through his dresser pulling out a warm outfit for Haru to change into.

“I’m s-so sorry,” Haru mumbled again as Rin began pulling his damp clothes from his skin. They clung to him unwilling to be released without a fight. When Haru was down to his underwear, Rin paused. They exchanged a curious glance that lasted only a fraction of a second before Rin took the remaining wet clothes off with a vigorous yank.

And to make things even more uncomfortable for Haru, Rin took a step back and stared. His red eyes scanned his naked body until Haru’s shivers became violent. Deciding that was long enough, Rin quickly grabbed the pile of clothes he picked out for Haru and aided him until fresh garments covered his clammy skin. Running his hands up and down Haru’s arms, Rin looked at him expectantly.

There was a tap on his door. They froze.

“Rin?” Miyako called. “Rin, honey, can I come in?”

Haru exchanged a frantic glance at Rin, panic overwhelming his senses. He needed to hide. Immediately. The red head seemed to understand, ushering him towards his closet. As quietly as he could manage, Haru tucked himself within the tremendous about of clothes before Rin attempted to push the door shut. Giving up on it a few seconds later, he left it open a crack before answering his mother’s request by opening the bedroom door.

“What’s up?” he asked nonchalantly. Haru listened intently through Rin’s clothes. They muffled their voices.

“Honey, Haru’s father just called. He said Haru ran away from home. You haven’t seen him, have you? He’s worried sick.”

Haru’s stomach dropped. His father called Rin’s family looking for him after all. Though it made logical sense, there wasn’t any way he’d actually be concerned for his safety. Rin was the only friend he ever introduced to them, the only one he ever brought up. Truthfully, he had other friends at school, but Rin was special. Tightening his hands into fists, he waited. It was riding on Rin now. Would he give him up? Would his daring swim across the river to reach him be for nothing?

“ _What?!_ ” Rin’s voice cracked. Haru heard heavy footsteps across his carpet. This was it. He was going to give him up. After everything he sacrificed to reach him. Maybe moving to another school was best. This was betrayal at its lowest form. Why he expected something more from Rin was beyond him. It brewed restlessly at the bottom of his stomach. Rin, who knew family was important. Rin, who knew having a life outside of their relationship was equally as important. Rin, who Haru repeatedly told he wanted nothing to do with either of these things. Rin, who considered what Haru’s home life was like, what Haru’s life outside of school could possibly be, who experienced Haru’s father’s rage firsthand today. That same Rin would still try and do the honorable thing.

It was who he was and Haru couldn’t resent him for it.

Seconds from opening the closet door and revealing himself, Rin spoke up again.

“He hasn’t called me, mom.”

Miyako sighed. “They said they lost him when he dove into the river.”

Silence fouled the air, turning it cold. “Can we go out and look for him? What if he…” Rin choked. Haru remained frozen, mouth agape, only able to listen to the events unfolding. When this was over, he would need to compliment Rin on his acting skills. Haru’s heart broke. Rin’s loyalty to him was stronger than his bond connecting his mother. He learned something that night, something he would never forget. He could never doubt Rin again.

“I’ll take Gou. You stay here in case he stops by, okay?”

Haru heard more movement he attributed to a hug. Footsteps lead away from his bedroom as Miyako called for Gou. After a few minutes, he heard a door shut. Haru remained unmoving in case he wasn’t out of the clear yet. He waited until his legs turned numb. The overhead light in Rin’s bedroom suddenly flipped off. He heard the rustle of fabric before the closet door swung open. Haru fell to the ground at Rin’s feet. Before he had a chance to utter a single word of gratitude, Rin pulled him into his arms.

“You swam across the fucking river?! Are you stupid?!”

Haru could feel Rin’s tears wetting his shoulder again. His arms pulled Haru into his chest so hard, he couldn’t breathe. Welcoming the warmth, the love, and Rin as a whole, Haru squeezed back.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I had to. I had…” Haru trailed off, his own tears welling in the corners of his eyes threatening to spill. He couldn’t get his words to pass through the lump in his throat. Now that he got to see Rin one last time, how could he tell him the truth? How could he ever say goodbye? This moment was what he wanted for the rest of his life. Could he throw his dream away because of one man’s obstinate rules?

“You idiot,” Rin patronized pushing him out of their embrace but keeping a firm grip on his shoulders. “You stupid, pigheaded idiot…” Rin pulled him back in, this time kissing him on the lips. What started as a few pecks turned heated until Haru fell back against the floor with Rin precariously hovering above him.

Haru broke the kiss to catch his breath. Tears were running down both of their faces, yet each housed a smile on their pink lips. Using his thumb, he wiped away Rin’s tears, brushing over the blushed skin of his cheek in amazement over how soft it was. A lot could be said of their actions, but Haru needed to get the entirety of the situation off his chest.

“He’s transferring me to another school,” Haru began, his voice quiet. When Rin didn’t respond but rather looked upon his face with concern, Haru continued. “He’s taking me away from you forever. I don’t…” Haru choked back another round of tears, “I don’t know what to do.”

Rin held out his pinky finger.

“Promise me.”

Haru looked into Rin’s determined face. That spark existed again, the same one he fell in love with on the first day of middle school. Rin’s red eyes reflected the wild fire burning in his heart. Haru wanted his gaze to consume him.

Rin repeated himself, “Promise me we’ll meet up by the river anytime life gets overwhelming. I may not see you every day, but these feelings will never allow me to rest until we’re together. We have two years until we graduate. When we do, I’m going to take you away from this place forever. Promise me you’ll fight to see another sunrise.”

Tears were unavoidably spilling down his cheeks into his hair as Haru took Rin’s pinky with his own. Rin lowered his body for another kiss, fitting his body comfortably between Haru’s legs. Their kisses turned passionate and before either of them realized, they began burning with the shared fiery rage aflame within their souls.

Haru was the first to suggest it. Afraid but determined, he chose the path he wanted them to share after the raw emotions they shouldered for each other. “Can we…”

Rin’s face melted, as Haru was sure his heart simultaneously mimicked the motion.

“I don’t want to forget tonight. What you’ve done for me.”

“What we’ve done for each other,” Rin corrected, kissing Haru again. He refused to let his lips up, running a hand under Haru’s shirt in search of his hardening nipple. Reacting to his touch, Haru arched his back feeling Rin’s erection. Pleasantly surprised it was nearly as hard, if not harder than his own, Haru knew he made the right choice. Questions swam through his mind, but he tried to push them away. At least he knew if they couldn’t meet by the river, if life took them in opposite directions, if they never saw each other again, they shared this intimate moment equally, two hearts beating as one. He would never forget the man who put purpose in his life.

He would never forget.


	5. Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***This work/chapter contains homophobic slur(s) that will likely bother some. It doesn't reflect my views and is merely a quote of someone who is ignorant and offensive, and as much as I hate using it, it's simply a quotation for the story.***
> 
> Song: [Eastside](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPeWDg6B4sI) \- Benny Blanco, Halsey & Khalid
> 
> Author's note: This chapter is the only reason it took me a few months to complete this work. @_@

The drowning sunlight doused the sky in beautiful crimsons, oranges, and yellows. With a small breeze, the warm spring air lightened the evening tossing hair out of their faces. Haru created a mental picture in his mind, of the fanning grass, the cherry blossom tree nearby that was days from blooming, and the sea that spread out beyond them below the cliff face. It was something he would eventually paint. Besides, he didn’t want this moment to be entirely tainted in his mind. Rin was rambling about his day next to Haru, but even the small distraction couldn’t prevent the conversation to darken as they sky inevitably would.

After the day two years ago when Haru ran away from home, the two made a pact to meet as frequently as possible on the eastside. Haru was pulled out their school the following day and had been going to a neighborhood school on the westside of town since. His current school offered no art courses or had enough members to form a swim team. As they advanced through their last two grades, Rin grew stronger. Haru could only feel as though he was growing weaker. When the evenings were warm, they would swim in the sea. But tonight was different. Haru was going to have to say goodbye. Graduation was in a month and there was something he needed Rin to know.

Weeks ago, Haru confronted his father about college and his future. What was once a dream to pursue education beyond high school and become an artist was crushed with an iron foot. What was supposed to be a calm discussion turned violent. The memories clouded Haru’s vision as he subconsciously pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around them. Rin noticed his action immediately. Even after being apart for so long, Rin could, without fail, pinpoint the moment something wasn’t right.

He halted in his drabbling and turned to look at his boyfriend. “Haru what’s wrong? You haven’t said anything for nearly the entire hour we’ve been sitting here. What’s going on?”

Haru held his breath faced with the impossible decision of where to start this conversation and how it would unavoidably end. He couldn’t look Rin in the eye. How could he? This was it. This was the end. It was a good run, he had to admit, but this wasn’t where his path led.

“I can’t go to college with you, Rin,” Haru began slowly, his muscles contracting in preparation for Rin’s outraged response. After a few seconds, Haru peered over his arm to look at him. The setting sun reflected Rin’s maroon eyes causing Haru’s to open wide. There wasn’t anger or displeasure written up on his skin, but rather a look of unbelievable sadness. So much so, Haru could’ve sworn there were tears in Rin’s eyes.

They sat in silence absorbing Haru’s comment until he couldn’t take Rin’s stare a moment longer. “My father threw a fit and– ”

“Haru we’ve talked about this,” Rin sighed, running a hand through his tangled hair. “Fuck your dad, just go. Come with me. Start your future with me.”

“Rin, I can’t,” Haru was pleading. The memories were flooding back. His father’s screaming, the kitchen table flipping over, and the flames as his hopes and dreams turned to ash. He couldn’t prevent them from assaulting his mind. It was a repeat of that day two years ago. Those were simpler times, runny away from home, staying at Rin’s until the morning, boarding the school bus with him. The school called Haru’s father the second he walked in the door. Expecting it, Haru said his goodbye to Rin that morning, parted ways with him and walked to the principal’s office where he waited for his outraged father to pick him up. That pinky promise acted as the only spark that kept Haru persevering through the days leading up until today. They were supposed to go to college, and after, their happily ever after would begin.

 

_“Like hell you’re going to college for art. That’s for faggots who don’t have any talents for the real world. I’ll call up my brother and he’ll get you a job working in his shop. You’re going to gain some usable, everyday skills. Maybe set your ass straight. Art…gayest fucking bullshit I’ve ever heard of.”_

 

How naïve he was thinking this was going to work out between Rin and him. That promise was destined to fail. But it wasn’t Rin, it was Haru. He knew he would be the wedge that drove them apart. Not for his father’s sake, but because Haru wanted to see Rin thrive. Haru was only holding him back. Even now, Rin was trying to find a way to fulfil their promise with his unabating power to never give up. But in reality, it was Rin who was shouldering all of Haru’s pain and Haru felt he wasn’t carrying any of Rin’s. He couldn’t bear putting Rin through it another day. Not like this.

It crushed Haru’s heart to say goodbye, but it was the only way he could see Rin blossom. To let this ridiculous notion die would allow him to be reborn anew.

“I can’t go with you, Rin.” Haru got to his feet. His eyes watched the sun delicately set in the west. The days always ended there. The eastside brought new promises, a new day, even a new life. But, as all things that began, they surly ended in time. Out of violence, out of pity, maybe even out of love.

It was time.

 

_The table flipped on its side. Dishes hit the floor, shattering into pieces. “You are not going to college! You have a job lined up at my brother’s shop. You’re going to start after you graduate. Make some real money! Forget your ridiculous notion. Art isn’t a real job. It’s an excuse for people who don’t know how to function properly in this world.” His father was yelling. His mother had the back of her hand to her lips, tears pouring down her cheeks in a dark stream, taking her mascara with it._

_“I’m going to college,” Haru said again, attempting to try Rin’s stubbornness trick._

_“Like hell you are! You owe us money for staying under our roof, eating our food, using our gas. Nineteen years, son._ Nineteen years _,” His father huffed before eyeing Haru’s bedroom._

_His stomach dropped. Nothing good could come out of this. Before Haru could stop him, his father was storming toward his only safe haven within the walls of this house. His privacy was being breached. His walls crumbling to the ground._

_“Art is for fags. I refuse to let you wonder down that path. You don’t need college, you need guidance. You will not associate with something so absurd and unnatural, something as disgusting as attention seeking, confused people labeling themselves gay because of it!”_

_He began ripping Haru’s artwork from the walls, tearing them to shreds. Haru grabbed his arm, yelling at him to stop. It didn’t take a lot of effort for his father to shake him off. Since Haru wasn’t swimming competitively anymore, he hardly had the strength or willpower to end the massacre. Attempting one last time, Haru grabbed at his arm when he reached for his sketchbook. His father pushed him to the ground. His drawings hit the carpet causing some of the illustrations to slide out. Rin’s red hair was the first thing his father saw. As if he was moving in slow motion, Haru’s father bent down and picked up the drawing by the corner. Silence followed. The kind that left Haru unable to breathe, unable to move._

_“I’ve had enough of your antics. You are not going to college. You are not going to live in this world without a proper skillset. You are not going to run off with this-this_ faggot _again!” His hand was in his pocket. Haru’s stomach dropped._

_“Stop, dad! NO!”_

_With the spark of a lighter, Haru’s art was in flames. Consuming, destroying everything he held dear in his life. He put all of his dreams in his sketchbooks. The times he wished he could escape, he drew the places he wanted to go. The people he wanted to be surrounded by for the rest of his life, he drew them all together, smiling as life continued on without this heavy cloud hovering over him. His father threw the smoldering paper into the trashcan and began burning every piece of art in sight._

_Haru couldn’t hold back the tears. He couldn’t look away. He couldn’t stop his father. He couldn’t stop the destruction._

_It was time._

 

“You need to promise me you’ll find someone who can shoulder the weight of your problems equally. You need to promise me you’ll start a family, buy that house with the large pool, get a dog. You need to promise me to succeed, push past your boundaries, swim at the highest level. Promise me…” Haru choked, “promise me you will walk away and never look back.”

“Haru– ”

“Promise me!” He didn’t mean to shout, but the tears were flowing as fluidly as his emotions. He couldn’t take Rin attempting to fight for his cause, shoulder his burdens any longer. His cries became violent, gut wrenching sobs. Rin kept his distance in fear of upsetting Haru more. Minutes passed by as he allowed this momentous breach in Haru’s character to pass.

The moment Haru calmed his nerves, they let the silence spread between them. It filled the large chasm that Haru carved with his own, self-prophesizing hands. An unfamiliar staleness filled the air making it hard to breathe. The sun was setting. Their lives were changing. This wedge would be forced between them somewhere down the road. Haru repeated that to himself over and over until he believed it. What if he ran away with Rin and things didn’t work out? What if they began their life together and it wasn’t everything he dreamed it would be? Haru would be left with nothing but the sorry excuse of a family he left behind and their bitterness that would ultimately followed his return.

“Promise me,” Haru whispered, clenching the grass between his fingers. He needed to hear Rin’s voice, to be grounded once more. Even while he said goodbye, he couldn’t force himself away from Rin. He’d been using him as a crutch is whole life. Unsure how to walk without him, Haru was determined to find his path alone.

“Swim with me,” Rin asked, his voice broken and shallow. Haru peeled his eyes away from the ground and forced them to look upon Rin’s heartbroken face. Tears were still flowing down his rosy cheeks. The red head seemed to find his voice after that.

“Swim with me, Haru. One last time.”

“Rin– ”

“I promise to do as you ask,” his words fractured Haru’s cracked heart into pieces. “Only if you promise to swim with me.”

Fighting back another round of tears, Haru nodded. Rin immediately stood and ran to him. Seizing his arm, he pulled Haru to his feet and drug him across the grass to the cliff face. Thirty feet below them, the waves threw themselves repeatedly against the rocks. It wasn’t the first time they jumped off this cliff, but Rin was determined to make sure they’d have one more try.

“On three.”

“Rin.”

“One.”

“Can you wait?”

“Two,” Rin teased, whipping the tears from his skin.

“Rin, wait.”

“Three!” Grasping Haru’s arm once more, they leapt off the edge into the salty sea below. The water immediately flew into Haru’s nose with the impact. Using what weak muscles he had left, he swam to the surface. Breaking through to breathable air, Haru choked compensating for what little water managed to permeate his windpipe. Rin was waiting for him there, laughing.

Haru’s eyes caught the sight of Rin. The remaining sunlight reflected off the water in a thousand different directions silhouetting his figure perfectly. Even drenched, his maroon hair sparkled in the evening light like the thousands of stars waiting to shine outside of the sun’s reach. He couldn’t get the image out of his brain. They remained frozen in time as if nothing existed before or after.

“Race you to the beach!” Rin yelled, taking off in an incredibly fast front crawl. Haru couldn’t pull himself away from the sunset. Rin didn’t slow his pace to wait on him either, being so used to his lack of skill these days. Rin barely batted an eye at competitions with Haru anymore and continued full speed toward his destination.

In a way, it explained their fissuring relationship. Haru, who was destined to stay behind, help pay back what he owed his parents, attempt to find solace in knowing there wasn’t going to be a future beyond the westside, and Rin, who took on every new adventure as a challenge that needed defeated, faced a new day with confidence, and looked to the future with hope and success. These were things Haru could dream about but never fully grasp with his own hands. He didn’t know how to fight for himself, but he also wasn’t sure how to prosper without his parents. Another crutch in is pitiful life.

He treaded water until the sun dipped below the horizon. The sky remained tainted different hues of blues and purples until the darkness settled in and the stars began to appear. Numb from the cold, Haru turned and began his swim to shore, all the while hopeful Rin would be waiting for him, yet fully expecting him to have already parted ways to begin his journey without him. When his feet hit the sand and he pulled himself out of the chilly water, his eyes scanned the beach. His heart sunk.

Rin was nowhere to be found.

The emptiness was devastating. The sudden feeling of desolation consumed him. Even though he practically forced Rin to leave, it was everything but what he expected. Clenching his soaking wet shirt above his chest, Haru doubled over. Just before the scream left his lips, Rin’s warm arms wrapped themselves around his body.

“I was looking for you on the cliff. I thought you might’ve drowned.” Rin was fighting back tears. Stunned, Haru welcomed his embrace, squeezing back with equal or greater force. Rin’s warmth was something he could never replace. It heated his skin, growing life within. He was glad he could experience it one last time.

“I was painting a mental picture so I would never forget your face.”

“Haru…” Rin was begging. Neither of them wanted to say the words sitting on the tip of their tongues. Maybe Haru should reconsider his choice, maybe things would work out between them, maybe if Haru closed his eyes tight enough, he could remain frozen in that second of time that refused to erase itself from the back of his eyelids.

“Promise me…” Haru weakly held out his pinky finger in the small gap that separated their bodies.

Rin choked, tears flowing steadily down his cheeks. Biting his lip, he swallowed the remaining words he would’ve surely used to change Haru’s mind. But even Rin knew it was pointless. The future held so many unknowns for each of them. Their lives may never cross paths again, but it was something they both understood, and both embraced it with consequences and victories in mind.

Rin took a hold of Haru’s pinky with no reservations. “I promise.”


	6. Twenty Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***This work/chapter contains homophobic slur(s) that will likely bother some. It doesn't reflect my views and is merely a quote of someone who is ignorant and offensive, and as much as I hate using it, it's simply a quotation for the story.***
> 
> Song: [Eastside](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPeWDg6B4sI) \- Benny Blanco, Halsey & Khalid

Haru stared at his weary expression. The dark circles under his eyes seemed to mock him every morning. Today seemed to weigh a little heavier on his mind. He applied for colleges behind his father’s back, but no one seemed to reply. It’d been weeks, and Haru began to worry they wouldn’t accept him. It wasn’t like he had a portfolio to go off of any longer. After his father burned his drawings, there weren’t many pencils or pens to find lying around the house. Haru got creative and began smuggling things home from his uncle’s shop. Pieces of paper here, pens and pencils there.

One day, his uncle caught him digging through their junk drawer looking for something with color. Laughing at the desperation in Haru’s eyes, he bought him a twelve pack of expensive markers, and laughed about his brother in the kindest way. Haru couldn’t thank him enough.

After compiling about twenty of his best works into a portfolio, he sent them in to four colleges just far enough away from home with his application. He was beginning to feel the hopelessness clawing at the back of his mind after the first week. And now that two have gone by, that feeling turned bitter. Offering to check the mail every day, he still couldn’t seem to find anything worth his best efforts. And each time nothing substantial appeared between his parents’ bills, the disappointment grew tenfold.

As Haru stared at his tired reflection, he could hear his mother begin breakfast in the kitchen. He would have to start his walk to work in thirty minutes to make it on time for his shift. Finding any extra effort to not crawl back under the warm covers, Haru brushed his teeth, got dressed for work, and started sketching. When his mind was awry, his hand would move itself across the paper. He found the act relaxing when anxiety took over. After everything his father took away from him, Haru’s love of the arts would never truly leave him.

“Honey, breakfast is ready!” Haru’s mother called. It pulled him from his worried trance. Looking down, he realized he drew Rin, submerged in water with the sunset at his back, hair sparkling like the stars. Haru stared at the picture for a few moments. It had been four years and he still couldn’t erase that image from his mind. Hastily ripping the drawing into pieces, he pushed them into the back of his drawer before joining his mother in the kitchen. The smell of her food displeased his stomach. Maybe it was the drawing, maybe it was the specific day, but Haru couldn’t make himself eat. Grabbing a slice of toast off the plate to quell his mother’s questioning look, he kissed her on the cheek and walked to the door. After throwing on a winter coat and tying a scarf around his neck did his mother finally speak.

“Not hungry?” she asked worriedly. His action wasn’t enough.

Haru paused with his hand on the doorknob. Without acknowledging her question or looking back at her, he exited the house and began his cold walk to work. He tossed the bread in the snow for the birds. The air stabbed his lungs, but the promise of spring was beginning to show in the landscape. All but the snow drifting down from the sky. The time of year’s more positive outlook for everyone would bring Haru more heartache, anxiety, and depression as it did every year.

Today marked exactly four years since he forced Rin to make a promise he never truly wanted him to make. It was for the best, and he couldn’t complain about the outcome. But the heartache and loneliness he felt as consequence were debilitating. Thinking the early spring air would numb his breaking heart, he tucked his lips below his scarf and pressed on.

What a stupid promise to make.

He debated every morning if it was worth keeping, but he figured if Rin was fulfilling that promise to Haru, it wouldn’t hurt to do the same. Following that thought, he would imagine what the red head was doing these days. Without access to a TV, or one that would allow him to change the channel on his own, he couldn’t easily find out if Rin had made it to the global level in swimming. Without a doubt, Haru was sure he was tearing up the pool, taking names, and gaining new friends and enemies alike. At times, it was all Haru had to look forward to, the moment he could close his eyes at night and swim in the lane next to him as they fought for gold together.

But that dream was never going to be a reality. Each year was supposed to bring the promise of something better, an easier passage through the grieving process. But every year, Haru felt the weight as a larger regret. Each day more was added to his burden. And each year, he yearned for what life could have been if he would’ve followed Rin away from this place. Surly by now he would’ve forgotten all about Haru and his life here. With the Olympics in mind, why would he even bear a thought in his direction? Why would anyone with the world on a platter?

He was early again. Angry at himself for walking too fast, Haru clocked in. He might as well get payed for his troubles. His uncle was already there, prepping the shop to open that morning. Even during the busy hours of the day, things always seemed calm within the building.

“Good morning, Haru,” he pipped without turning his attention away from stocking the shelves.

“Morning,” Haru replied quietly, hanging his coat on the coat rack and rubbing his cold hands together in a feeble attempt to regain some feeling back into his fingertips.

“I have a few more boxes in the back. You can stock shelves before we open.”

Without a word, Haru did as he was told. Needing the distraction, he mindlessly began his first task. By the time he was finished with his stack of boxes, his uncle was unlocking the door for the morning traffic. After clicking the lock back and turning the sign around, his uncle glanced out the window, his breath catching on the cool glass.

“I don’t think we’ll see a lot of people here today. That weather is getting pretty nasty.”

Haru agreed but didn’t say anything. Late season snow was his least favorite. It only brought miserable, complaining customers. Nothing aggravated him more. Bringing the empty boxes to the back to break down for recycling, he heard the bell of the front door chime. So much for not having a lot of customers. Who came in this early anyway?

He could hear his uncle welcoming them in. At least he wasn’t needed quite yet with only one customer to assist. Regardless, it was his job, so he quickly put the boxes in the correct bin and walked out to the shop floor. His uncle was standing at the front desk checking out the first customer of the day. She stood with purpose, her long red hair flirting with the waistband of her white coat. It was such a vivid maroon, it reminded him of Rin’s.

Halting, the memory of Rin’s little sister overpowered Haru’s mind. Her body was turned away from him, so he couldn’t be certain. Nothing was computing as he watched her thank his uncle before turning. She stopped and stared at him. A smile brightly lit her face as if she recognized him and rushed out the door with her recent purchases bouncing against her body. Haru remained frozen, mouth agape, unable to move or say a word in protest.

It had to be Gou. But what was she still doing around here? She had plans to study abroad, learn about all the physique types, and help people achieve their goals. Why would she return to this city? And why was she in this shop, on the westside of town, in the early hours of the morning?

“Can you shut your mouth, Haru? You’re giving me the creeps.” His uncle chuckled after his comment to signal he was only joking. A hand landed on Haru’s shoulder pulling him from his stupor. His uncle had mannerisms like his father. Sometimes it was good, but in this situation, it was absolutely not.

His uncle continued, “Know her or something? Have a crush on her?”

“N-No I– ”

“You don’t have to lie to me,” his uncle replied giving Haru the side eye.

“Seriously,” Haru tried again, straining his voice. He pushed his uncles hand off of his shoulder. It left his skin cold. His eyes fell to the door longing to see that red hair again. “I don’t have a crush on her. She’s just a sister of an old friend.” Haru paused, letting the silence fill the small space between them. “A friend from another lifetime.”

Another pat on the shoulder and Haru’s uncle stepped toward the counter with a chuckle spurting from his mouth. “You can’t change my mind. It’s a nice excuse though!”

Haru sighed heavily. It’s not like his uncle knew of his past with Rin. His father chose to bury the truth, or his version of a confused phase of life, as if it never existed. Hell bent and obstinate in his ways, his father wouldn’t confess something to the whole family that seemed horrible, disgusting even. To them, it wasn’t normal, it wasn’t allowed. It wasn’t something you were born with, it was an idealistic mindset that was only brought out for attention. As if things weren’t wired that way originally, as if things were supposed to be cut and dry, as if everything in the world was a straight arrow.

Squeezed his fingers to his forehead, Haru knitted his eyebrows together by force. All of the emotions he’d been bottling inside for years were slowly beginning to leak out. All it would take was one simple tap and the cork would come loose. He was afraid to know what that day would bring. Something awful, yet something freeing just like the fleeting second after he confessed his feelings toward Rin to his parents that day. The weight of the world gone. Nonexistent.

The bell to the shop rang again. Of course his uncle would predict the entire day wrong. Sure, the weather was bad, but it wasn’t that bad. People needed food, or a breath of fresh air away from the stagnate household environment. Winter drug on too long. Haru turned down the aisle his uncle was stocking earlier. His box, still half unpacked, remained stationed at the foot of a shelf. Clearly left for Haru to finish, he did just that. Bending over to complete the half started task, a voice called to him.

“Haru.”

It wasn’t forced, it wasn’t sweet. It was a sigh from someone who’s breath may have been swept from their mouth in a wind storm. As if the day that seemed so far out of reach had finally arrived where their paths met again.

Haru’s whole body tensed. It took a variable amount of effort to turn to see him. As if he’d dreamt up the voice in the first place, it took a moment for him to believe the sight in front of his eyes. But there stood Rin. Clad in winter clothes and a heavy scarf tied delicately around his neck. His skin looked like it may have been glowing, or perhaps the LED lights above his head made it seem that way upon further investigation. His red bag was slung over his shoulder as if no time had passed between now and the moment Haru watched him leave to peruse his dreams.

Slowly rising to his feet, Haru momentarily blanked. He could see Rin drop his bag at his feet, he could see him approaching at a rapid rate, he could even see him extend his arms as if to crush him in a hug. But nothing was working. His brain refused to fire, to remember how to breathe, to remember what it was to move. He felt Rin’s body heat warm his very core. How much he missed the feeling. How much he missed his smell. How much he missed everything about him down to his wild, maroon hair tickling his face.

Suddenly Haru’s arms were squeezing around his trim waist. Rin had developed extensively over the last four years. So much so, Haru couldn’t believe he was even the same person. A million questions began flying through his mind, but Haru couldn’t figure out how to open his mouth, yet alone speak a single word.

“Hey,” Rin weakly said.

It must’ve rebooted Haru’s system because suddenly he was aware. And he was livid.

“You fucking idiot,” he spat. Before he realized what was happening, Haru pushed Rin away from him. “Who do you think you are strolling in here like you own the place. After four years all you have to say is _hey_?” The anger was growing. The cork threatened to burst.

“Haru I– ”

“You should’ve stayed gone. Leave. Go back to finding your dream.”

Haru picked up the box off the floor with a huff and forced himself by Rin without another word, purposefully hitting his shoulder on the way past. He needed to keep it cool. If he burst now, things would definitely not end well. Seeking some time to regroup his rampant thoughts, Haru shut himself in the back of the storage area and threw himself on a stack of boxes. Covering his face with his hands, he fought the tears threatening to overflow.

Why did he say that? He didn’t mean a word of it. Rin probably thought he was ungrateful, regretful of his return. But in reality, Haru was overjoyed. But the past four years of anger and solitude molded into rage. For whatever reason, he turned that outward and lashed out at the one person he never meant to hurt. Regret made him stand again. Haru needed to apologize.

When he opened the door, his uncle was reaching for the handle ready to check on him. Wearing a questionable look, he didn’t say much as Haru walked passed him in search for Rin’s distinctive red head. He couldn’t detect a single living body other than his uncle. His heart constricted.

“He just left,” his uncle announced, clearing his throat and putting truth to Haru’s suspicion.

That one comment deflated Haru entirely. What if Rin was gone for good? What if he took what Haru had to say to heart? What if he really hurt him? Haru fell against the nearest shelf feeling the weight of his own words reflecting back on him tenfold.

“Are you feeling okay?” His uncle put the back of his hand to Haru’s forehead. “Do you need to go home?”

No, was what Haru wanted to say, but he knew if he opened his mouth, only a screeching cry for help would escape. Barely holding it all back, Haru bit his tongue.

“Go home. I can handle today by myself. Get some rest.” His uncle looked sincerely concerned. Pursed eyebrows, worried wrinkles. Haru couldn’t argue. The entire thirty second incident was too much to process. What had he done?

Before he knew it, Haru was bundled up and walking home. Trudging through the snow with a newly found purpose. It was an absolute must to reach out to him again. To apologize. To beg for forgiveness. Four years he waited for Rin’s return. Four years he planned out every detail of their reunion to the T. Four years he expected them to unite with fireworks blasting in the distance. Instead what greeted him were regrets beyond measure, words he wasn’t sure he could ever take back, and the weight of the broken promise cracking the fragile wall he put up around his heart.

Even if he couldn’t run away with Rin, even if things would remain as they were, he couldn’t live with the guilt those few words caused. Gouging into his heart, they carved and carved digging away all forms of emotions and barriers he used to protect himself from another heartbreak. With each step, the knife cut deeper, his cork squeaking to its freedom.

Opening the door in a flash, Haru flung his coat over the kitchen table. His father and mother were still getting ready for work, one of the few downsides to having an early opening time for the shop.

“Haru, is that you?” his mother called from the other room.

Desperation drove him forward. Without acknowledging her question, Haru went to his room in a fury, seizing his phone he never took with him and searched for any new notifications. There sat a missed call from Rin. Two unopened text messages from Rin. And one message from Gou. She must’ve told Rin where he could find him.

“Haru?” her voice was getting louder.

“Haru!” his father called.

Selecting Rin’s name, he decided a text would do.

 

_It is time. I’m sorry for taking this long to find my courage. But I’ve regretted my decision for four years and I’m not letting this opportunity pass me again._

 

Heart racing sweat dripping down his forehead, his finger hit the send button as his father’s face appeared in his doorway. Gathering what little courage he could find, he faced him head on.

“What are you doing home?” he growled, shirt half tucked, hair still in desperate need of combing.

“To tell you that I’m following my dream.”

His mother’s head appeared in the doorway, her face housing alarm.

“I’m leaving. I’m going to college to become an artist. I’m leaving and I’m– ”

“Haru,” his father’s voice was nearing immense anger. “Listen to me– ”

“No, dad. You listen.” Haru stepped forward. He left his heart radiating on his sleeve. The cork was gone, his emotions and bottled feelings were free at last. The weight of all his years gone, wisped away like the dark sky at daybreak. “I’m tired of you telling me how to live my life. For twenty three years I’ve followed your guidance. For twenty three years I’ve done nothing but try to please you. And for those twenty three years I’ve regretted every day I didn’t leave for college when I had the choice. You’ve been holding me back. I may never know why, but for once in my life I’m doing something for myself.”

His parents looked taken aback with his words, unsure how to swallow this version of Haru. He didn’t care. There were more things to worry about then their happiness and feelings toward his choices. So, he continued without fault, without reservation.

“I’m going to college. I’m leaving this house. I’m following my passions in life. And if I fall on my face, then so be it. It’s something I need to learn. I don’t know how to stand on my own two feet, and this experience will bring it upon me whether I’m ready or not.”

With his mother close to tears and his father’s face turning red, he decided to land the final blow.

“Rin has been my life since the day I’ve met him. This is not a phase. This isn’t something you should see as disgusting. This is life and it is my life. It’s who I am. And if you can’t accept the fact that I’m gay, then by all means, kick me out. Disown me. I don’t give a damn anymore. I love Rin. I love him with all of my heart. And nothing you say, nothing you do, is ever going to change that.”

For a moment, silence spread between them. In that moment, Haru tasted freedom once more. His heart, beating restlessly against his ribcage echoed his feelings across his entire being. For all of these years he held back those emotions he was too afraid to tell his parents. And after all of this time, he was finally ready for their rejection.

“Get out.” His father’s words were low. He turned and left without saying anything else. Was that it? No screaming? No broken dishware? No hurling of objects? Nothing but a calm statement allowing his safe passage from their home? His mother followed his father in tears. Capitalizing on the moment and wasting no time, Haru began packing his belongings. Essentials for life beyond the limits of his childhood home. Art supplies for college. Pictures of his favorite memories. By the time he had two bags full, a heavy knock echoed across the house.

Haru opened the door to find Rin standing there, breathless.

“Haru,” he said again, tears filling his eyes. Seizing the moment, Haru dropped his bags and stepped forward. Pulling him into a passionate kiss, he let his body do all of the talking. And by doing so, he let Rin completely overpower him. Nothing existed in those moments. Nothing but their two wildly beating hearts.

When they broke apart, Rin cupped his hands around Haru’s cheeks. “Dammit, Haru. Will you just let me speak without interrupting this time?” Rin didn’t waste any time either and continued on talking headstrong and confident as Haru always remembered him. “You are my dream. It’s taken me four years to realize it. And I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” They kissed again. “You wouldn’t let me tell you earlier. I came back because I recognized my dream wasn’t the water, it was you. All along it was you.”

“You idiot,” Haru patronized with a broken voice, letting the tears stream from his face. For once, after twenty three years, everything seemed right again. And perhaps, after time, his parents would learn to adapt and forgive. Nothing heals the past like time, and nothing heals the present like a dream blooming like the sakura petals mid spring.

“Run away with me.”

Haru smiled, taking Rin in his arms once more. With one sentence he took Haru’s life struggles and erased them as if they never existed in the first place. Without saying a single word in return, Haru released him and grabbed his bags. They walked through the threshold into the beautiful spring morning. With Rin’s hand in his own, he took in a large breath of air, and for the first time, it came with no consequence and no regret. As the sun never set on the eastside, his love and devotion for Rin never died out. Finally, he tasted true freedom and he was never going to let it go.

As they neared the end of the driveway approaching Rin’s car, Haru paused a moment remembering one last glimmer of hope in the morning sun. There was something he had yet to do before he left for good. Rin turned to him expectantly, his face still holding his beautiful smile that lit up Haru’s world. Haru returned the smile, breathing in the cold air slowly. After weeks of the stagnate state he found himself in, Haru finally felt excitement burning in his core.

“I need to check the mailbox one last time. Can you wait for me a little bit longer?”

“I’d wait a lifetime for you, Haru.”

Tears welled in the corner of his eyes as he planted another kiss on Rin’s lips. With just a few steps, he would know the fate of his future. It hardly mattered now. With Rin’s undying loyalty and love at his side, anything would be possible. Keeping that thought close to his heart, Haru pulled back the opening to the metal mailbox and peered inside. Finding his breath caught in the back of his throat, his hands grasped on to the few pieces of mail awaiting him.

The dawn of that day brought new promises. And that was enough for Haru regardless of the troubles they would come across in the future. Rin would remain unwavering at his side, and, to Haru, there couldn’t have been for a better beginning to his happily ever after.

 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been a very difficult battle many of you can probably relate to. Words cannot describe how much I feel for you and the struggles you may have faced along your own journey. My heart reaches out to you all. <3
> 
> Thank you for reading.


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